Another blog posting about the craziness that seem to accompany the acquisition of too much money. Here goes…
Sometimes I think that south Florida is the one of the main outposts of wretched excess in the United States. Recession or no recession, there is a minimum two-year wait at the Hermes boutique at the Bal Harbour Shops, our local luxury shopping mall, for a $5,000.00+ calfskin Hermes Birkin handbag. If you want it in crocodile, you’re looking at upwards of $25,000.00 and a MUCH longer wait…perhaps five or six years…for a HANDBAG !!! There are THREE Hermes stores in south Florida. Thirty-seven states have no Hermes stores at all.
It is not unusual at some of the trendy dining spots just ten minutes from here, on South Beach, to spend hundreds of dollars on a meal with very beautiful, colorful portions so small that they would not hurt if they got into your eye. “Tasting Menu” indeed. But recently I learned about something that makes these previously mentioned absurdities seem positively frugal by comparison. I am referring, of course, to our local luxury condominium for…wait for it…YOUR CAR.
That’s right…in south Florida, your car can live better than you do, thanks to a number of new condominium communities for vehicles. I won’t name them, but there are several in the Miami-Fort Lauderdale area. Because of the weather and the overall nature of the local populace (lots of phonies and showoffs, many of whom have no real money, but somehow manage to appear as if they do, at least for a while, until the bank can find them and send the Repo Guy with the tow truck or the Sheriff with the eviction notice) this area is infested with really fancy, high powered, ice-cream-colored exotic cars, which cost a fortune to purchase, and another fortune to insure and maintain. But what do you say to the man in the tattered clothes and the wheelchair who asks you for money at the stoplight when you are behind the wheel of that Lamborghini? And now this.
The car condo here in south Florida that does the most advertising sells its units for prices ranging from $150,000 for a 620 square foot unit, up to $400,000 for a unit of 1,800 square feet. The units feature bathrooms, just in case that classic Ferrari feels the need to relieve itself in the middle of the night (this is common with aging, especially in Italians), large flat screen televisions with cable, so your car can watch NASCAR races while gleefully cheering its favorites by blowing its horn (to fight the loneliness when you’re not there to keep it company), and, get this, WET BARS, so your car can invite its little car friends over to have fancy cocktail parties to celebrate things like…oh…Henry Ford’s birthday I suppose. These car condos even have concierge service, in case your car is having trouble getting tickets to the Ballet (or to the Daytona 500). As the late great John Wayne would have said…Re-God-Damn-Diculous (http://www.celebrityrants.com/premium/celeb_wayne.html).
This is America, and I guess people should be able to spend their money on whatever they want, but appearances count too. How do you explain to your children that sure, some people go hungry every night, and shelters are filled to overflowing with unwanted and unloved pets, and loved ones die because they can’t afford the medical care or the drugs that they need to keep them alive, and oh yes, by the way, I just spent a quarter of a million dollars on a luxury apartment for my CAR !!! How do these people sleep at night? Even if I could afford to buy one of these car condos, along with the cars to fill it, I couldn’t do it. Could you?
Go Figure... 